almost but not quite

how do people make the leap from not mattering in each other's lives to mattering? that is the question. ambivalence is the word of the moment for me at this point and i hate it. i wanna be as decisive as i can be but i can't. maybe because i keep getting mixed signals or maybe i'm just reading too much into actions. certain people would say to enjoy the ride while it's there, while my cynical self would prepare for the inevitable blow when it's all over. which reminds me why i stayed away from stuff like this for the longest time.

on falling in love

here's something i picked up from HERE.

Falling in love is like panning for gold: a lot of effort for little reward… until you strike it big. But when dealing with such important matters of the heart, do we have any choice but to persevere? Logically, the very nature of love is that it’s rare. If you could walk down to the street corner and purchase it for ten bucks, it wouldn’t mean very much at all. So do yourself a favor and try not to get so frustrated when the needle in a haystack is, in fact, a needle in a haystack.

be fearlessly single

sex and the city the movie is coming in a week. guess who's excited?

anyway, here's some love lessons from sex and the city that i stumbled upon on msn. i loved each one of them, but i love number seven the best.

Lesson no. 1 : Date against your type.

Case study: Miranda and Steve
When Miranda met bartender Steve Brady, she was skeptical as usual. He was nice (and easy on the eyes) but clearly not relationship material. Not surprisingly, their divergent careers created problems: conflicting schedules, fights about money, and different outlooks on life. Miranda could have deleted his number from her BlackBerry, but ultimately, his laid-back personality and devotion won her over. The unlikely pair started a family and eventually tied the knot.

Lesson no. 2: Don't change for a man no matter what.

Case study: Carrie and Aidan
Hot furniture designer Aidan was everything Carrie thought she wanted in a man: emotionally available, honest, and ready to commit. Aidan wanted Carrie to meet his parents, have the keys to his apartment, and eventually be his wife. She attempted to change by quitting smoking (and nixing her addiction to Mr. Big), giving country life a shot, and wearing his engagement ring around her neck. But no matter how hard Carrie tried, she couldn't commit to any of it. While Aidan seemed perfect on paper, he wasn't the ideal guy for Carrie.

Lesson no. 3: Never ignore the warning signs that tell you a relationship isn't working.

Case study: Charlotte and Trey
An optimist with a very romantic view of love, Charlotte believed her dreams had come true when she was literally rescued by the single, wealthy, and handsome Dr. Trey MacDougal. Despite some major red flags — a lackluster marriage proposal, a meddling mother-in-law, and a sexless honeymoon — Charlotte was determined to make the relationship work. Although she gave it her all, their union still failed.

Lesson no. 4: As painful as breakups can be, you have to mourn before moving on.

Case study: Carrie and Berger
Witty writer Jack Berger had these famous last words for Carrie, written on a Post-it note: "I'm sorry, I can't. Don't hate me." After the abrupt end to their short, rocky relationship, Carrie vowed to spend the same amount of time getting over her breakup as Berger had spent ending it. If only it were that easy. Though Carrie managed to avoid him, she ended up melting down in front of his friends, which undoubtedly got back to him. She learned that it's better to face the music (or in her case, the Post-it note) and get it over with.

Lesson no. 5: Dare to fall in love.

Case study: Samantha and Smith
Samantha's dating philosophy: "I'm a trysexual. I'll try anything once." Her only rule was to never fall in love. She was so set in her man-eating ways that when she scouted and seduced a gorgeous waiter at a raw food restaurant, she didn't even ask his name. She encouraged the struggling young actor to play out his sexual fantasies and took him under her wing professionally, changing his name to Smith Jerrod and making him the Absolut Hunk. Somewhere between sex and stardom, Samantha fell in love and eventually confessed to Smith, "You've meant more to me than any man I have ever known."

Lesson no. 6: Let him chase you.

Case study: Carrie and Mr. Big
Sure, Carrie might have done some of the chasing, but in the end it was Mr. Big who showed up at her door the day she left New York City for Paris. Angry that his timing was always off, she screamed, "Forget you know my number! In fact, forget you know my name!" But he didn't give up. He called to tell her he loved her, and fortunately, Charlotte was there to answer his desperate call. The next day, he met the ladies for brunch and admitted, "You're the loves of her life, and a guy would be lucky to come in fourth." With their blessing, Mr. Big went to Paris to get "their" girl.

Lesson no. 7: Be fearlessly single.

Case study: Carrie
The eternal single girl had her share of romances, chronicled in her weekly column, but the truest love story is the one she wrote for herself. Bad luck and messy breakups were de rigueur in Carrie's life. By surviving the pitfalls — a Manolo-mugging, a computer crash, and a very embarrassing fashion fall — Carrie gained the confidence and strength to continue her search for true love. "The most exciting, challenging, and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself," she said. "And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous."

i can't wait for the movie to come out!

ah ewan!

so the rutgers review class didn't push through and i am getting my four hundred bucks back. yay! turns out only a few people signed up for the class and only a few of us are too lazy to study by ourselves. the exam is in two weeks, so i really need to kick it up a notch. however certain things which could be either good or bad depending on how it will end up eventually are distracting me. if you're gonna ask me to give details, it's not gonna happen. basta yun na lang muna.

i am in a roller coaster of emotions now. one minute i'm feeling giddy with happiness next moment i am the paranoia queen.

hitting the books

as spring is finally making its presence felt, my certification exam is also slowly creeping up to my list of things that i really should give attention to. so to jump start things up, i camped at a little corner of a borders nearest my place and started hitting the books.

it was going pretty well the first hour i was there. i have breezed through the growth and development of the infants, toddlers and pre-schoolers and have completed three sets of practice questions (yay me!). however on my second cup of coffee and on to the school age stage, all i could hear was this woman behind me, bawling (ever so loudly) on her cellphone because she's been duped by macy's. what the F?! i mean, do you go to a bookstore cafe to have a major breakdown over a bill gone wrong and have half the bookstore listen to you? no, right?

"according to freud, the latency period, which extends from about age 5 to 12 years, represents a stage of relative sexual indifference before puberty and adolescence." i think i may have read this sentence 37 times while the woman was whining on the background. that was how distracted i was.

anyways, she left a couple of minutes later still on the phone with her friend and it became a really productive afternoon for me since then.

so now, everyone on my floor at the hospital knows that i'm going to take the certification exam. i wish i could be all janina san miguel on them and say "no, i don't feel any pressure....right now!"

spring plans

spring should have been here already but there are still days that it's freezing cold outside. i don't see any buds forming on the dead looking trees yet and there are no stray dandelions sprouting from the ground on that open lot that i usually pass by on my way to work. it seems like its such a long long wait for spring to finally be here. i wonder when i will be able to go outside in shorts and flipflops? sometimes the weather could be such a tease when it looks so sunny and warm outside. however, the minute i get out of from the comforts of the apartment building's heating system, cold icy winds give me a kick of realization that winter may not be over...yet.

anyways, i have sent my application for the pediatric certification exam a couple of weeks ago and i think i may have to take the exam this spring which left me with a big dent on my debit card. the thing is i have also shelled out over 400 bucks for a two day class at Rutgers because i am too lazy to study by myself, leaving me dirt poor but with a lot more knowledge.

seriously. i need somebody to push me into studying or even just scanning the review book that i bought a long time ago. you know what this reminds me of? college days, where i wait at the last minute to study for major exams and rush for due papers and care plans. however, instead of daydreaming about cute physical therapy guys like i did in college, i'm getting all hyped up about wanting to get a puppy. yes, i'm crazy like that. in my head, i'd be all "i've just spent close to a thousand bucks on continuing education stuff, so what i really need is a cute pet that would suck me dry of all my finances." how stupid is that? right?

how can you resist these puppy dog eyes?

but yes! i want a puppy. even if it's impractical or even if the timing is not right. just a small caramel or cream colored morkie that would keep me happy whenever i come home from work, even if there'd be tiny puddles of pee or small raisinets of poop all over the kitchen floor. i am willing to wake up early and bring him outside in the cold so that he could do his thing if that would mean that i could enjoy his tiny cuddles and kisses and funny antics on a typically depressing day.

my friend D and i were talking earlier about bringing over our puppies together for a playdate as if we already own one. He called me on the cellphone while visiting a petstore and was telling me all about the puppies he was looking at and he sounded like he just sprouted a uterus somewhere inside his body (ha ha ha!). i guess both our maternal instincts are starting to kick in.

anyway, this wanting to get a puppy business is just a plan for now. i may or may not get one right away, but it is one of the things that i need to do in the near future if i want to stay sane in these united states. java (yes, that's what i'm gonna call him!) will have to wait for now while i still prepare myself to be a good mommy.

zsa zsa zsu

"some people are settling down....some people are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies." --- carrie bradshaw

if you're a fan of sex and the city, then you know what the title of this post means.

i just finished watching "that" episode of satc and i remembered how i had a huge crush on jack berger. as in i was totally crushing him big time he he he.

anyways, some thoughts on the episode. the saddest thing about all these relationship chorva aside from unrequited love is being in a relationship without the zsa zsa zsu.some people thrive well on relationships like that, hoping that even if they don't have the spark, they can still have a relationship. i don't think i can do that. but that's just me. i have this notion that if it's not there right away, just waiting for it to pop up is only delaying the inevitable. it won't happen and i think of it as pretty much wasting both of your time.

because i'm fishy

i am a pisces. i was born to become one. well obviously, given that i was born on the first half of march. i don't really believe in astrology stuff and horoscopes and such but i chanced upon THIS article on msn while i was checking my email and i found myself saying "paksyet! this is so me!" here are some bits and pieces.

a pisces:

...is comforting to be around. While not likely to be the leader, this sign’s presence is strong and vibrant in any cause they put their hearts into.

...make some of the best friends there are. In fact, they often put the needs of their friends ahead of their own. Loyal, dedicated, supportive and compassionate, no problem is too big for the Piscean to take on.

...is deeply intuitive, Pisceans can often sense when something is askew long before anything is said.

...is expressive by nature and don’t hesitate to let those around him/her know how he/she feels. It’s not surprising for a Pisces to write a song for someone, or to buy a gift that is heartfelt and meaningful.

...is intuitive and often dreamy, the Piscean is most comfortable in positions that bring their creative natures into humanitarian causes. Some good careers for this sign are lawyer, architect, veterinarian, musician, social worker, and game designer. (oookay! well maybe i'm in the wrong profession. although my instinct to want to become an architect when i was in high school was right on track.)

...is for the most part, not too keen about money. They are more concerned with their dreams and goals than with money. Yet, because this is often times a component to reaching their aspirations, the Piscean will ensure they have the money they need. They can be of two minds in this area. On one hand the Pisces will spend, spend, spend with little thought (are you talking about me?), and on the other hand they can become quite miserly. Yet, in the end there’ll always seem to be enough to do what they want in life.

...is a diehard romantic. Loving, tender, and exceptionally giving, this sign cherishes intimacy deeply. They are passionate lovers that need to feel a real connection with their mates. Quick flings and superficial interludes do not bide well for the Piscean whatsoever.

...likes time to sleep and dream in, mystery in all forms, romance, music.

...dislikes know-it-alls, the past coming back to haunt, being criticized.

so there. for the fishy people out there, you all have a good one! now i have to go back to watching sex and the city re-runs.