how do people make the leap from not mattering in each other's lives to mattering? that is the question. ambivalence is the word of the moment for me at this point and i hate it. i wanna be as decisive as i can be but i can't. maybe because i keep getting mixed signals or maybe i'm just reading too much into actions. certain people would say to enjoy the ride while it's there, while my cynical self would prepare for the inevitable blow when it's all over. which reminds me why i stayed away from stuff like this for the longest time.