random loneliness

it's 3 o'clock in the morning and i am typing this at the nurses station while my patients are sleeping off their surgical pains and aches. in four hours, i would be going home to our apartment which i share with two other nurses and try to get some sleep. i've been on for three nights in a row and i am looking forward to the 3 days off that i would be getting starting today. i'll probably just take a catnap and then spend the rest of the morning contemplating on what to do the rest of the day.

it's getting quite pathetic the way my life here has become. true, i can buy whatever i want, i can go to places i want to go to, eat whatever my taste buds fancies, but it's not without the thought at the back of my mind if this is really what i'm cracked up to do and if this is really where i wanna spend most of my adult life.

i would've wanted to write how great my life here has been going, how my lovelife is getting so fucking awesome, how i wouldn't trade all of these for anything in the world. but i can't because then, it would be a half lie.

of course i could be the drama queen (that i sometimes am) and cry my eyes out every night. but what would that come to? it wouldn't bridge the miles from here to the philippines, it wouldn't erase the fact that i am alone here albeit with friends but still alone (if you know what i mean). the only thing it would come up to are puffy eyebags and loads of tissues piling up on my bedside table so enough of that.

good thing i have something to look forward to in the coming weeks. i have the Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince book coming my way on the 16th. that would definitely take my mind off things and of course theres the coming weekend with my DMC friends which promises to be a blast. so there, it's not gonna be that bad afterall.