to my teddy...

i am a strong woman. i can conquer the greatest fears... i can handle the toughest moments... i can ignore any pain... that's why i want someone to make me feel weak... the way you do.

um... where do i find one of these?

“Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky his is to have you.... The one who turns to his friends and says, 'that's her.'”

marley thoughts

"you may not be her first her last or her only. she loved before, she may love again. but if she loves you now, what else matters? she's not perfect- you aren't either and the two of you may never be perfect together... but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice and admit to being human and making mistakes hold on to her and give her the most you can. she may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break-- her heart. so don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze and don't expect more than she can give. smile when she makes you happy let her know when she makes you mad and miss her when she's not there." -- Bob Marley

how to deal

got this in my inbox and i'm posting it here even though it is very anti-valentines day because goddammit this is what has helped me get over the dude.

1. put away all CDs of any meaning to you and the now "insignificant other" for the next 2-3 months.

2. do not hang out with any girlfriends who will potentially give you the "i-told-you-so" speech…its the last thing you need right now.

3. but don’t hang out with semi-psychotic girls who are vengeance happy and will sit with you to devise plans of pouring acid on your ex’s car and stuff like that…nor friends who are currently deliriously happy in love who will sympathize with you but make you bitter at your own situation

4. if the ex was truly a major bigtime jerk, enlarge his pic and buy a box of darts

5. learn your lesson. if he was a bad guy, now you have more fine-tuned bullshit detector, learn to use it the next time around.

6. eat. don’t binge, just eat healthy. the successive rounds of anorexia and tears isnt healthy for you.

7. repeat your story over and over and over again to your understanding friends. the repetition will hence bore you and the whole miserable incident will seem far far less important than many other things wonderful in your life.

8. know in your heart that you gave it your best in the relationship and that in the total scheme of things, you are absolutely fabulous…so…HIS LOSS! wahahaha

9. buy a book of spells and turn him into a toad. wait…he’s already a toad! hehe

10. MOVE ON. nuff said!

winter weather advisory: pain on the horizon

another snowstorm hit the east coast yesterday but instead of staying at home and grumbling that there's nothing to do, we drove over to pennsylvania at the poconos mountains to don our skis and hit the slopes. yes it was crazy driving the freeways on a weather like that, but doing it with friends makes it crazy fun.

it was already sundown when we arrived at the ski resort because we were trudging along the highway like sleepy turtles but we had the perfect weather for skiing. ok, maybe not, because it was snowing like crazy and was really really cold, but at least we had a fresh layer of powder on the ground.

we were supposed to take legitimate ski lessons because it was a first time for us girls, but because we arrived late, no more lessons were available. however that didn't stop us from renting skis and making fools of ourselves on the slopes. we made do with whatever ski knowledge the two guys who were with us could give but most of the time we were on our own. when it was our turn on the lifts, each one of us dropped like fallen dominoes because we didn't know how to land properly on our skis. we probably looked funny as hell, but we didn't care because lots of people were also falling on their asses everywhere you turn.

after about two hours of struggling with our skis, i would say that we had seen some improvement. i for one was able to ski down a slope without falling on my face and was able to stop on my tracks without resorting to using my ass as brakes. yay me! winter olympics here i come! he he he.

it was a fun weekend all in all, but it wasn't without a drawback. right now i am actually typing this post with very sore wrists and arms and legs... make that sore body. i was coughing all throughout the more than an hour drive back to new jersey. i was so tired i slept for 10 hours straight when i got back home. will i be donning skis again anytime soon? hell yeah! we have another trip planned next weekend off or maybe on february. pain? bring it on.

....and the cycle begins

happy new year to all!

here i am back ranting

so i am back from the philippines and it irritates me when people expect me to bring a boyfriend back from a 3 week vacation as if it were some kind of pasalubong that i am supposed to brandish out from my luggage. why can't they just be happy with the goldilocks polvoron and the ensaymadas? seriously.

don't they realize that i've got massages to be done at the spa, hair that needs to be rejuvenized at the salon, nephews and nieces that needs to be brought to the mall, "padalas" that need to be taken cared of, "mga pabili" on my list. i mean come on, the last thing on my mind is to grab me a guy and bring him back with me to new jersey. that is giving me way too much credit, to be able to get a boyfriend in three weeks tops. i may need a little more time than that.

anyway it's been bitter cold here since i came back. i got the scare of my life when we almost couldn't land at JFK airport at the height of this year's first snow storm. so now i'm back to the normal grind. here's to counting down the days till spring.

umuwi na tayo...hey, hey, hey!

god i can't wait!

on nudity and politics

i went to nyc with my friends last night to see daniel radcliffe in the nude. yes, just another one of those things we had checked off our bucket list (he he he).

so we were lulled to sleep during the first act, which isn't really hard to achieve being that we came from a previous 12 hour shift the night before. but boy did we woke up midway through the second half because the naked scene was way better than a shot of espresso. it was still hard to not think of daniel radcliffe as the harry potter boy who rode firebolts and replace that image with alan strang who orgasmed while riding a horse.

anyways, while walking through times square going back to the parking lot, we were talking about highly important stuff like the just released high school musical 3 and debating wether which shocked disney more, miley cyrus' topless pictures for vanity fair or vanessa hudgen's naked picture scandal? i'm telling you, at a time when america is faced with a choice between mccain and obama, we discuss things like this.

speaking of politics, this heard from a guy in times square:

"anybody wants mccain, obama and palin condoms?! mccain, obama and palin condoms...get it here! because either way, you're screwed!"



funny right? so i asked dennis to go ask the guy if he's giving it away for free and get me one of each (i wonder if he also has a biden variety?) turns out, it's for sale. for how much, he didn't even bothered to ask.

so here's hoping that americans will go out and vote on tuesday, and that they will choose someone who will not screw us over.

hollow inn

it's halloween, almost 5 in the morning and i am still up. i just changed my bedsheets a while ago so i really should be tempted to bury myself under my comforter. but i am not.

2 days ago it started snowing. uhuh... snow... in october. the night before that it rained hard and i was happy for the free car wash. my happiness over the freebie was shortlived however because i was scraping ice out of my windshield hours after. it's getting pretty depressing here these days. thank god for my upcoming vacation to the philippines.

i have started my countdown. i wonder how two years has changed my home?

fall is here...

...and it has arrived real quick. so here is a thought about falling or the not.

"you do not fall in love. you rise in love. that's how you love rationally."

almost but not quite

how do people make the leap from not mattering in each other's lives to mattering? that is the question. ambivalence is the word of the moment for me at this point and i hate it. i wanna be as decisive as i can be but i can't. maybe because i keep getting mixed signals or maybe i'm just reading too much into actions. certain people would say to enjoy the ride while it's there, while my cynical self would prepare for the inevitable blow when it's all over. which reminds me why i stayed away from stuff like this for the longest time.

on falling in love

here's something i picked up from HERE.

Falling in love is like panning for gold: a lot of effort for little reward… until you strike it big. But when dealing with such important matters of the heart, do we have any choice but to persevere? Logically, the very nature of love is that it’s rare. If you could walk down to the street corner and purchase it for ten bucks, it wouldn’t mean very much at all. So do yourself a favor and try not to get so frustrated when the needle in a haystack is, in fact, a needle in a haystack.

be fearlessly single

sex and the city the movie is coming in a week. guess who's excited?

anyway, here's some love lessons from sex and the city that i stumbled upon on msn. i loved each one of them, but i love number seven the best.

Lesson no. 1 : Date against your type.

Case study: Miranda and Steve
When Miranda met bartender Steve Brady, she was skeptical as usual. He was nice (and easy on the eyes) but clearly not relationship material. Not surprisingly, their divergent careers created problems: conflicting schedules, fights about money, and different outlooks on life. Miranda could have deleted his number from her BlackBerry, but ultimately, his laid-back personality and devotion won her over. The unlikely pair started a family and eventually tied the knot.

Lesson no. 2: Don't change for a man no matter what.

Case study: Carrie and Aidan
Hot furniture designer Aidan was everything Carrie thought she wanted in a man: emotionally available, honest, and ready to commit. Aidan wanted Carrie to meet his parents, have the keys to his apartment, and eventually be his wife. She attempted to change by quitting smoking (and nixing her addiction to Mr. Big), giving country life a shot, and wearing his engagement ring around her neck. But no matter how hard Carrie tried, she couldn't commit to any of it. While Aidan seemed perfect on paper, he wasn't the ideal guy for Carrie.

Lesson no. 3: Never ignore the warning signs that tell you a relationship isn't working.

Case study: Charlotte and Trey
An optimist with a very romantic view of love, Charlotte believed her dreams had come true when she was literally rescued by the single, wealthy, and handsome Dr. Trey MacDougal. Despite some major red flags — a lackluster marriage proposal, a meddling mother-in-law, and a sexless honeymoon — Charlotte was determined to make the relationship work. Although she gave it her all, their union still failed.

Lesson no. 4: As painful as breakups can be, you have to mourn before moving on.

Case study: Carrie and Berger
Witty writer Jack Berger had these famous last words for Carrie, written on a Post-it note: "I'm sorry, I can't. Don't hate me." After the abrupt end to their short, rocky relationship, Carrie vowed to spend the same amount of time getting over her breakup as Berger had spent ending it. If only it were that easy. Though Carrie managed to avoid him, she ended up melting down in front of his friends, which undoubtedly got back to him. She learned that it's better to face the music (or in her case, the Post-it note) and get it over with.

Lesson no. 5: Dare to fall in love.

Case study: Samantha and Smith
Samantha's dating philosophy: "I'm a trysexual. I'll try anything once." Her only rule was to never fall in love. She was so set in her man-eating ways that when she scouted and seduced a gorgeous waiter at a raw food restaurant, she didn't even ask his name. She encouraged the struggling young actor to play out his sexual fantasies and took him under her wing professionally, changing his name to Smith Jerrod and making him the Absolut Hunk. Somewhere between sex and stardom, Samantha fell in love and eventually confessed to Smith, "You've meant more to me than any man I have ever known."

Lesson no. 6: Let him chase you.

Case study: Carrie and Mr. Big
Sure, Carrie might have done some of the chasing, but in the end it was Mr. Big who showed up at her door the day she left New York City for Paris. Angry that his timing was always off, she screamed, "Forget you know my number! In fact, forget you know my name!" But he didn't give up. He called to tell her he loved her, and fortunately, Charlotte was there to answer his desperate call. The next day, he met the ladies for brunch and admitted, "You're the loves of her life, and a guy would be lucky to come in fourth." With their blessing, Mr. Big went to Paris to get "their" girl.

Lesson no. 7: Be fearlessly single.

Case study: Carrie
The eternal single girl had her share of romances, chronicled in her weekly column, but the truest love story is the one she wrote for herself. Bad luck and messy breakups were de rigueur in Carrie's life. By surviving the pitfalls — a Manolo-mugging, a computer crash, and a very embarrassing fashion fall — Carrie gained the confidence and strength to continue her search for true love. "The most exciting, challenging, and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself," she said. "And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous."

i can't wait for the movie to come out!

ah ewan!

so the rutgers review class didn't push through and i am getting my four hundred bucks back. yay! turns out only a few people signed up for the class and only a few of us are too lazy to study by ourselves. the exam is in two weeks, so i really need to kick it up a notch. however certain things which could be either good or bad depending on how it will end up eventually are distracting me. if you're gonna ask me to give details, it's not gonna happen. basta yun na lang muna.

i am in a roller coaster of emotions now. one minute i'm feeling giddy with happiness next moment i am the paranoia queen.

hitting the books

as spring is finally making its presence felt, my certification exam is also slowly creeping up to my list of things that i really should give attention to. so to jump start things up, i camped at a little corner of a borders nearest my place and started hitting the books.

it was going pretty well the first hour i was there. i have breezed through the growth and development of the infants, toddlers and pre-schoolers and have completed three sets of practice questions (yay me!). however on my second cup of coffee and on to the school age stage, all i could hear was this woman behind me, bawling (ever so loudly) on her cellphone because she's been duped by macy's. what the F?! i mean, do you go to a bookstore cafe to have a major breakdown over a bill gone wrong and have half the bookstore listen to you? no, right?

"according to freud, the latency period, which extends from about age 5 to 12 years, represents a stage of relative sexual indifference before puberty and adolescence." i think i may have read this sentence 37 times while the woman was whining on the background. that was how distracted i was.

anyways, she left a couple of minutes later still on the phone with her friend and it became a really productive afternoon for me since then.

so now, everyone on my floor at the hospital knows that i'm going to take the certification exam. i wish i could be all janina san miguel on them and say "no, i don't feel any pressure....right now!"

spring plans

spring should have been here already but there are still days that it's freezing cold outside. i don't see any buds forming on the dead looking trees yet and there are no stray dandelions sprouting from the ground on that open lot that i usually pass by on my way to work. it seems like its such a long long wait for spring to finally be here. i wonder when i will be able to go outside in shorts and flipflops? sometimes the weather could be such a tease when it looks so sunny and warm outside. however, the minute i get out of from the comforts of the apartment building's heating system, cold icy winds give me a kick of realization that winter may not be over...yet.

anyways, i have sent my application for the pediatric certification exam a couple of weeks ago and i think i may have to take the exam this spring which left me with a big dent on my debit card. the thing is i have also shelled out over 400 bucks for a two day class at Rutgers because i am too lazy to study by myself, leaving me dirt poor but with a lot more knowledge.

seriously. i need somebody to push me into studying or even just scanning the review book that i bought a long time ago. you know what this reminds me of? college days, where i wait at the last minute to study for major exams and rush for due papers and care plans. however, instead of daydreaming about cute physical therapy guys like i did in college, i'm getting all hyped up about wanting to get a puppy. yes, i'm crazy like that. in my head, i'd be all "i've just spent close to a thousand bucks on continuing education stuff, so what i really need is a cute pet that would suck me dry of all my finances." how stupid is that? right?

how can you resist these puppy dog eyes?

but yes! i want a puppy. even if it's impractical or even if the timing is not right. just a small caramel or cream colored morkie that would keep me happy whenever i come home from work, even if there'd be tiny puddles of pee or small raisinets of poop all over the kitchen floor. i am willing to wake up early and bring him outside in the cold so that he could do his thing if that would mean that i could enjoy his tiny cuddles and kisses and funny antics on a typically depressing day.

my friend D and i were talking earlier about bringing over our puppies together for a playdate as if we already own one. He called me on the cellphone while visiting a petstore and was telling me all about the puppies he was looking at and he sounded like he just sprouted a uterus somewhere inside his body (ha ha ha!). i guess both our maternal instincts are starting to kick in.

anyway, this wanting to get a puppy business is just a plan for now. i may or may not get one right away, but it is one of the things that i need to do in the near future if i want to stay sane in these united states. java (yes, that's what i'm gonna call him!) will have to wait for now while i still prepare myself to be a good mommy.

zsa zsa zsu

"some people are settling down....some people are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies." --- carrie bradshaw

if you're a fan of sex and the city, then you know what the title of this post means.

i just finished watching "that" episode of satc and i remembered how i had a huge crush on jack berger. as in i was totally crushing him big time he he he.

anyways, some thoughts on the episode. the saddest thing about all these relationship chorva aside from unrequited love is being in a relationship without the zsa zsa zsu.some people thrive well on relationships like that, hoping that even if they don't have the spark, they can still have a relationship. i don't think i can do that. but that's just me. i have this notion that if it's not there right away, just waiting for it to pop up is only delaying the inevitable. it won't happen and i think of it as pretty much wasting both of your time.

because i'm fishy

i am a pisces. i was born to become one. well obviously, given that i was born on the first half of march. i don't really believe in astrology stuff and horoscopes and such but i chanced upon THIS article on msn while i was checking my email and i found myself saying "paksyet! this is so me!" here are some bits and pieces.

a pisces:

...is comforting to be around. While not likely to be the leader, this sign’s presence is strong and vibrant in any cause they put their hearts into.

...make some of the best friends there are. In fact, they often put the needs of their friends ahead of their own. Loyal, dedicated, supportive and compassionate, no problem is too big for the Piscean to take on.

...is deeply intuitive, Pisceans can often sense when something is askew long before anything is said.

...is expressive by nature and don’t hesitate to let those around him/her know how he/she feels. It’s not surprising for a Pisces to write a song for someone, or to buy a gift that is heartfelt and meaningful.

...is intuitive and often dreamy, the Piscean is most comfortable in positions that bring their creative natures into humanitarian causes. Some good careers for this sign are lawyer, architect, veterinarian, musician, social worker, and game designer. (oookay! well maybe i'm in the wrong profession. although my instinct to want to become an architect when i was in high school was right on track.)

...is for the most part, not too keen about money. They are more concerned with their dreams and goals than with money. Yet, because this is often times a component to reaching their aspirations, the Piscean will ensure they have the money they need. They can be of two minds in this area. On one hand the Pisces will spend, spend, spend with little thought (are you talking about me?), and on the other hand they can become quite miserly. Yet, in the end there’ll always seem to be enough to do what they want in life.

...is a diehard romantic. Loving, tender, and exceptionally giving, this sign cherishes intimacy deeply. They are passionate lovers that need to feel a real connection with their mates. Quick flings and superficial interludes do not bide well for the Piscean whatsoever.

...likes time to sleep and dream in, mystery in all forms, romance, music.

...dislikes know-it-alls, the past coming back to haunt, being criticized.

so there. for the fishy people out there, you all have a good one! now i have to go back to watching sex and the city re-runs.

what happened in vegas

las vegas was wild. it was so wild that two girls i know fought over a white tank top that was ripped from a muscled body of a chippendale and it only took one long island iced tea and a sex on the beach for them to do it. rumor has it that the girls drove around sin city with that torn tank top proudly displayed on the rearview mirror of their black rental car. i don't know if there is truth to that rumor. all i know is that it took a lot of self restraint for the girls not to go up the stage and rip the tank top off the guys themselves...he he he.

las vegas was addicting. lots of overtime money was fed on the numerous slot machines that occupied the girl's downtimes. those slot machines are wicked, i tell you. they would let you feel how good it was to win big bucks and then gets you spiraling down and leaves you reaching in your wallet for more. everytime the girls would hear "wheel - of - fortune!!!!" blaring from somewhere in the casino, they would crane their necks to see where those damn slots were. good thing nobody was tempted to play those slot machines lying around the las vegas airport waiting lounge, because it would have been too depressing to go home with a few dollars left on the wallet.

las vegas was crazy. it was as crazy as somebody trying to bump head on (and on purpose! may i say) into a really big truck that was innocently parked in the hotel parking lot. "bog!" was all she could say when the bumper of our rental car bumped into the truck and to think there were cameras around. it was also as crazy as a group of girls trying to defy gravity and getting it on camera again and again and again in the middle of a hallway in the wynn hotel. crazier still is when they decided to take pictures of themselves in every angle imaginable on the streets, in the cold night, using the floor as a tripod and getting a drunk guy from salem as their photographer. it was way over the top crazy when we had 9 people sleeping inside a room reserved for two persons. figure that one out.

las vegas was a feast. a feast on the eyes, because there were lots of eye catching good looking guys roaming around, it was more than our eyes could handle. there were also lots of shows that we could have gone to but our schedule was too hectic that it could only accomodate a chippendale show and a trip to the gay bar... he he he. vegas is also a gastronomical feast, because of all the buffets we went to. the treasure island dinner, the bellagio brunch, in and out burger, chowking, jollibee...we he he!

las vegas was over. even before we were ready for it to be over. i wish we could go back with more fun and more inhibitions left in jersey. girls, let's plan another one next year!